Square Eyes

Posted by Avid Fan

avid fan
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loved this thread ... davies mom is our agony aunt ..from problems/quandries of the ridiculous to the downright fantastic... Mrs M will solve and serve up a spititual answer...so reach out with your angst and silliness ...for apparently you are not alone...


Dear Mrs M

i have been thinkin lately...and i have come to a crossroads...and cant decide....BUT.....

If a man goes to the woods and screams out at the top of his voice...and there is no woman around to hear him?

Is he still wrong?

your divinely

avid




Hughesy
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Dear Mrs M,

Please can you tell Avid I've corrected his spelling of "Dalai" for him in this thread's title?

Yours pedantically,

Hughesy




Maria
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can I be pedantic too?

What's "spititual" ?




David Mitchell's Mom
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avid fan wrote:
loved this thread ... davies mom is our agony aunt ..from problems/quandries of the ridiculous to the downright fantastic... Mrs M will solve and serve up a spititual answer...so reach out with your angst and silliness ...for apparently you are not alone...


Dear Mrs M

i have been thinkin lately...and i have come to a crossroads...and cant decide....BUT.....

If a man goes to the woods and screams out at the top of his voice...and there is no woman around to hear him?

Is he still wrong?

your divinely

avid




Well, Dear Avid,

Sadly, this is the reason so many loving relationshps are dashed on the rocks (with or without Whiskey or Whisky) men just can't accept they are ALWAYS wrong.

My advise would be in any right or wrong situation, the word 'Sorry' doesn't cost anything but having to buy lots of goodies when you finally realise you WERE WRONG will cost you PLENTY


Mrs M.




David Mitchell's Mom
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Hughesy wrote:
Dear Mrs M,

Please can you tell Avid I've corrected his spelling of "Dalai" for him in this thread's title?

Yours pedantically,

Hughesy


Ahh Husghsey,

As Shakespeare wrote 'What's in a name?' If a Rose was called a Chrysanthemum it would still smell as sweet, but, would be a tad more difficult to spell

Mrs M.

Last edited by David Mitchell's Mom on Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:04 pm; edited 1 time in total




David Mitchell's Mom
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Maria wrote:
can I be pedantic too?

What's "spititual" ?


Well Maria,

I read it as 'spiritual', so, that thing about only needing to have the first 3 letters of a word spelt correctly to recognise the word must be right, although, if you don't know 'phase' is spelt with ph and not f, or, xylophone is spelt with an x and not z Oh....I supose there are exceptions to every rule

Mrs M.




avid fan
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David Mitchell's Mom wrote:
Maria wrote:
can I be pedantic too?

What's "spititual" ?


Well Maria,

I read it as 'spiritual', so, that thing about only needing to have the first 3 letters of a word spelt correctly to recognise the word must be right, although, if you don't know 'phase' is spelt with ph and not f, or, xylophone is spelt with an x and not z Oh....I supose there are exceptions to every rule

Mrs M.


yes maria...the fact you added a question mark in your post prompted Mrs M to SPELL it out for ya... if you had just taken the mick out of my typing without asking a question you would not have incurred this response....




David Mitchell's Mom
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avid fan wrote:
David Mitchell's Mom wrote:
Maria wrote:
can I be pedantic too?

What's "spititual" ?


Well Maria,

I read it as 'spiritual', so, that thing about only needing to have the first 3 letters of a word spelt correctly to recognise the word must be right, although, if you don't know 'phase' is spelt with ph and not f, or, xylophone is spelt with an x and not z Oh....I supose there are exceptions to every rule

Mrs M.


yes maria...the fact you added a question mark in your post prompted Mrs M to SPELL it out for ya... if you had just taken the mick out of my typing without asking a question you would not have incurred this response....


I went and had another look, my eyes did deceive me!




Sutti's big hair
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Dear Mrs M,

I would like to ask what is the ideal temperature for hot drinks, since the woman who makes my cappuccinos seems to make them with molten lava from the earth's core?

Yours scaldedly,

Sutti




David Mitchell's Mom
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Sutti's big hair wrote:
Dear Mrs M,

I would like to ask what is the ideal temperature for hot drinks, since the woman who makes my cappuccinos seems to make them with molten lava from the earth's core?

Yours scaldedly,

Sutti


Well Sutti, I have the same problem myself with hot beverages made by others.

It does actually depend on what you order really. Cappuccinos are meant to be boiling. I usually swipe some milk to put in mine to cool it down if I want to sip it straight away, or, buy a cold drink too to drink while the cappuccino's cooling.

You could try a cooler alternative like a latte, but, if like me you find a latte a tad too milky, it's not really a good alterative.

Oh well, at least you'll not be given the nick name one of my friends has had to live with for a number of years now for being able to drink boiling drinks "Asbestos mouth". Yes *snigger* it was me that first called her that!

Mrs M




avid fan
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Dear Mrs M

why is it some countries denote themselves in english during sport ...like Germany is GER...sweden is SWE etc...but places like spain and switzerland denote themselves in there own language...ie ESP ...and SUI...as oppose to SPA and SWI?

yours chin rubbingly

avid




David Mitchell's Mom
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avid fan wrote:
Dear Mrs M

why is it some countries denote themselves in english during sport ...like Germany is GER...sweden is SWE etc...but places like spain and switzerland denote themselves in there own language...ie ESP ...and SUI...as oppose to SPA and SWI?

yours chin rubbingly

avid


Well Avid,

The abreviations are supplied by the ISO (International Organization for Standardization). It bases its list of country names and abbreviations on the list of names published by the United Nations. The UN uses 2 and 3-letter codes, plus numerical codes to identify nations.

e.g.

AFGHANISTAN...............004...........AFG........AF
ALBANIA.......................008...........ALB........AL
ALGERIA.......................012...........DZA.......DZ

I hear they may be changing England to ALP, because, when they go out of the World Cup they always lose on penalties.

Mrs M




Hughesy
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Dear Mrs M,

I'm having real trouble seperating (separating?) the words 'separate' and 'seperate'. I know what they both mean, but just can never remember which one is which when it comes to spelling them in written conversations like this! Can you help?

Yours confusingly,

Hughesy




David Mitchell's Mom
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Hughesy wrote:
Dear Mrs M,

I'm having real trouble seperating (separating?) the words 'separate' and 'seperate'. I know what they both mean, but just can never remember which one is which when it comes to spelling them in written conversations like this! Can you help?

Yours confusingly,

Hughesy


Well Hughesy,

This was a bit of a puzzlement to me because the only time I've ever used the word 'seperate' is when I've spelt 'separate incorrectly

I've looked up 'seperate' in The Concise Oxford Dictionary, The Oxford Illustrated Dictionary, The Pocket Collins Dictionary, The Websters Pocket Spelling Dictonary, Roget's Thesaurus and Adrian Room's Dictionary of Confusing Words and Their Meanings, but, I couldn't find it in any of them!

Well, when all else fails I turn to my assistant Miss Google, who is very able in the skill of research

Miss Google found only one helpful item for us.....

Separate:

1. verb
To put apart; to disunite; to divide; to make a boundary, barrier or space between; to single out from others

2. adjective
Divided from the rest; disconnected; distinct; individual; solitary; isolated

Seperate:

1. no such word.
Seperate is the second most common misspelling on the Internet
(the first being either loose or lose)

To help remember the correct spelling she sugests you use the following simple reminder.

Think: er = error:
separate = correct
seperate = error

Just out of interest, what do you think seperate means?

Mrs M.



Hughesy
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Bugger! It's not easy being this dim, you know

I'd assumed one spelling was for the verb and one for the adjective, I suppose, and that the two were spelt differently. Ah well, you live and learn eh? (or at least I do!)



David Mitchell's Mom
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Hughesy wrote:
Bugger! It's not easy being this dim, you know

I'd assumed one spelling was for the verb and one for the adjective, I suppose, and that the two were spelt differently. Ah well, you live and learn eh? (or at least I do!)


That's quite comforting to hear. I thought it was a trick question or my reference material was badly out of date

I'm by no means the worlds greatest speller, hence the number of books! I find the most difficult to spell are plurals (eg the use of books rather than the plaural of dictionary ) but also have a problem remembering when one uses 't' or 's' (sion or tion), double letters like double t's and l's, when to use 'c' or 's'. Necessary! Is it two s's, two c's one of each and what come first ? There are more

I once asked my English tutor for advise on how to improve my spelling. He told me to read more books! That had a very good effect on my spelling. I knew more and longer words I couldn't spell

For any other spellingly challenged people out there, I find google search really helpful for spelling, better than a spell check in word even. You just type in 'intelajint' and it asks you 'Did you mean intelligent?' Works every time




avid fan
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Dear MOM,

Was noris mcwhirter of the same ilk as you? ....or did he just know everything cos he was told in advance what questions the children would ask on RECORD BREAKERS?

your avidly

Avid McWhirter




Anita's best friend
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David Mitchell's Mom wrote:
Sutti's big hair wrote:
Dear Mrs M,

I would like to ask what is the ideal temperature for hot drinks, since the woman who makes my cappuccinos seems to make them with molten lava from the earth's core?

Yours scaldedly,

Sutti


Well Sutti, I have the same problem myself with hot beverages made by others.

It does actually depend on what you order really. Cappuccinos are meant to be boiling. I usually swipe some milk to put in mine to cool it down if I want to sip it straight away, or, buy a cold drink too to drink while the cappuccino's cooling.

You could try a cooler alternative like a latte, but, if like me you find a latte a tad too milky, it's not really a good alterative.

Oh well, at least you'll not be given the nick name one of my friends has had to live with for a number of years now for being able to drink boiling drinks "Asbestos mouth". Yes *snigger* it was me that first called her that!

Mrs M


In that case I wouldn't recommend either of you ever buy one aboard a train as our coffee machines are crap and you can't really make cappuccino's instant like that even if it is ground coffee instead of instant. You would only end up being bitterly dissappointed at the poor excues for a cappuccino!!! They are never steaming like cappuccino's should be either.




David Mitchell's Mom
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Anita's best friend wrote:
David Mitchell's Mom wrote:
Sutti's big hair wrote:
Dear Mrs M,

I would like to ask what is the ideal temperature for hot drinks, since the woman who makes my cappuccinos seems to make them with molten lava from the earth's core?

Yours scaldedly,

Sutti


Well Sutti, I have the same problem myself with hot beverages made by others.

It does actually depend on what you order really. Cappuccinos are meant to be boiling. I usually swipe some milk to put in mine to cool it down if I want to sip it straight away, or, buy a cold drink too to drink while the cappuccino's cooling.

You could try a cooler alternative like a latte, but, if like me you find a latte a tad too milky, it's not really a good alterative.

Oh well, at least you'll not be given the nick name one of my friends has had to live with for a number of years now for being able to drink boiling drinks "Asbestos mouth". Yes *snigger* it was me that first called her that!

Mrs M


In that case I wouldn't recommend either of you ever buy one aboard a train as our coffee machines are crap and you can't really make cappuccino's instant like that even if it is ground coffee instead of instant. You would only end up being bitterly dissappointed at the poor excues for a cappuccino!!! They are never steaming like cappuccino's should be either.


Talking of beverages on trains, I was thinking today, like you do, whenever I'm on a train journey alone there is always a buffet car (usually six cars away) but I don't like leaving my seat and baggage to go and get something. I usually have a bottle of water and a snack with me anyway but other people's drinks and food usually look, and smell, really good when you're on your own When I'm travelling with someone, and could take a trip to a buffet car, there's a trolly service. I 'spose 'That Life!'



Hughesy
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Dear Mrs M,

Did you miss that last question of Avid's, or should I just shut up and let you get on with it?

Yours inquisitively,

Hughesy





David Mitchell's Mom
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Hughesy wrote:
Dear Mrs M,

Did you miss that last question of Avid's, or should I just shut up and let you get on with it?

Yours inquisitively,

Hughesy




I did too. Thanks for the reminder



David Mitchell's Mom
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avid fan wrote:
Dear MOM,

Was noris mcwhirter of the same ilk as you? ....or did he just know everything cos he was told in advance what questions the children would ask on RECORD BREAKERS?

your avidly

Avid McWhirter


Well Avid,

I'm sorry, your little note became sandwiched betwwen talk of beverages.

Well, this may not be that interesting to you but Norris died on my birthday!

Norris was known to have an encyclopaedic memory and could recite facts from his great knowledge of records, but, I do believe for record breakers the Beeb may have needed to know what questions the kiddies were to ask in case the question was inappropriate for childrens TV. There's always one little devil that might want to ask how big is the worlds biggest cock....er....el

I have a terrible memory and need to write things down, usually a reference to where I saw the information, and cross ref or two because I can't remember what I note stuff under I think Norris was of a much higher ilk!

Actually, I believe Einstein once said " I don't fill my head with unecessary information, just where I can find it" Maybe he had a bad memory too




Hughesy
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David Mitchell's Mom wrote:
There's always one little devil that might want to ask how big is the worlds biggest cock....er....el


I think this chap >>>> might have an interest in that too!




Sutti's big hair
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Dear Mrs Mitchell,

When attending an AGM, what is the best way to avoid being voted into a position of responsibility for the coming year? (If you could respond by 7.30pm on 7th November for no particular reason, that would be grand )

Yours irresponsibly,

Sbh




David Mitchell's Mom
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Sutti's big hair wrote:
Dear Mrs Mitchell,

When attending an AGM, what is the best way to avoid being voted into a position of responsibility for the coming year? (If you could respond by 7.30pm on 7th November for no particular reason, that would be grand )

Yours irresponsibly,

Sbh


Well sutti,

I would have thought the best way to avoid getting into such a predicament was to stop anyone nominating and seconding you as a candidate?

Usually, there is a requirement for a nominee to agree to said nomination, so you could refuse your agreement.

If this position is being forced on you without correct following of election protcol, you could accept and delegate all necessary work involved to a minion. It used to work for my ex boss.

Mrs M



David Mitchell's Mom
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Hughesy wrote:
David Mitchell's Mom wrote:
There's always one little devil that might want to ask how big is the worlds biggest cock....er....el


I think this chap >>>> might have an interest in that too!


Looks like he'd be happy for Norris to tell him where he can find a co.............



Sutti's big hair
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Dear Mrs M,

You know when dogs cock a leg to mark their territory? Do they always use the same leg or are they ambi-leg-strous?

Yours intriguedly,

Sutti




David Mitchell's Mom
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Sutti's big hair wrote:
Dear Mrs M,

You know when dogs cock a leg to mark their territory? Do they always use the same leg or are they ambi-leg-strous?

Yours intriguedly,

Sutti


Well Sutti,

Dogs do lift either leg to mark their territory (only one leg at a time though or they'll fall over ) as I observed when my brothers dog marked his territory all around my garden

Honestly! He'll be wanting to hold the TV remote next! Males

Mrs M.



Sutti's big hair
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I sincerely hope you asserted yourself and showed him it was your territory!

Dear Mrs M,

Should Sutti be given some kind of award for copying and pasting all of the above out?

Yours cheekily,

Hughesy

Hughesy wrote:Dear Mrs M,

Should Sutti be given some kind of award for copying and pasting all of the above out?

Yours cheekily,

Hughesy

Hughesy indeed!

I think Sutti has done a grand job and deserves the Grand Master Award.

Mrs M

Dear Mrs M,

What with it being post-Christmas and all, it's impossible to escape the adverts for sales going on everywhere at the moment. But this set me to thinking: how come practically every business seems to choose the end of December/start of January period to launch their sales? Why not have them, say, in March, June, August or October instead?

Yours seasonally,

Hughe*

(*now with 30% off!)

Hughesy wrote:Dear Mrs M,

What with it being post-Christmas and all, it's impossible to escape the adverts for sales going on everywhere at the moment. But this set me to thinking: how come practically every business seems to choose the end of December/start of January period to launch their sales? Why not have them, say, in March, June, August or October instead?

Yours seasonally,

Hughe*

(*now with 30% off!)

Well Hughesy,

On the general subject of sales, I had this very strange conversation yesterday, well, it was more like me listening and trying to keep up actually.

Well, my brother is notorious for buying Christmas and Birthday pressies in the Sales (yes, even the year he gave me a pizza cutter, although, to be fair that was a freebee he received when he bought someone elses pressie in the sales ) Well, again, he told me he bought my Christmas 2007 pressie in the Jan 2007 sales, then, decided he would give it to me for my Birthday, then, bought me something else in later sales and gave me that for my Birthday and thought he would give me the pressie he bought at the Jan 2007 sales for Christmas 2007. Pause for breath. *deep breath* Then he bought me something else in December (not in the sales but it was a signed Chris De Burgh CD with two albums on and quite a bargain because it was part of the mechandise on sale at Jasper Carrotts Rock with Laughter and cost the same as one album on it's own unsigned) so gave me that instead and I'll be getting the pressie he bought me in the Jan 2007 sales for my birthday in April unless he sees something in the January 2008 sales and gives me that instead. *Deep breath *

Personally, like that furnature shop place thingy, some shops seem to have sales all year round! I always think, why not just sell the stuff from the start at 1/2 price!

I must say, I'm still fuming that the nice new (and quite revealing ) top I bought to see Mr Hughes in October was in the sales two weeks later £10.00 cheaper

I'm going to the sales to shop for a new photo printer soonish (probably Thursday or Friday) because mine is f....kaput!

Oh, and Hughsey, it 's a good thing there wasn't 50% off or I'd have been asking "Hugh?"

Mrs M

Dear Mrs M,

Do people under general anaesthetic dream of electric sheep? Or of anything else?

Yours sleepily,

Sutti

Sutti's big hair wrote:Dear Mrs M,

Do people under general anaesthetic dream of electric sheep? Or of anything else?

Yours sleepily,

Sutti

How spooky Sutti

I was talking about this subject the other day recalling a dream I experienced when I was last under anaesthetic of being a fly landing on all the instuments. When I came round I told the nurse there was a fly in the operating room she asked me if it looked like Jeff Goldblum!

Dreaming definitely occurs for some patients under general aesthetic. Patients of elective surgery often tell of pleasant dreams when medical staff encourage relaxation, encourage pleasant thoughts and are given reassurance before the operation.

Patients who have emergency surgery or are anxious before an operation can experience unpleasant dreams because of the trauma of the illness, accident or anxiety. It can be likened to the effect of certain narcotics. Some take a drug in a peaceful environment and have a pleasant ‘trip’ others indulge during less pleasant circumstances and can have a very bad experience under the influence. However, some patients will not dream and will not even be aware even of the passing of time during an operation!

All in all, the experience under aesthetic can be just the same as normal sleep. You can go to sleep and wake up the next morning without being aware of sleeping the night through and with no feeling of the passing of time (happens to me too often, always feel robbed) or remember good dreams and bad.

I think what you dream, or, if you dream therefore depends on the state of mind and probably only androids dream of electric sheep

Mrs M

Dear Mrs M,

When should one remove one's santa hat once Christmas has come and gone? One seems to be having a bit of trouble removing one's at the minute don'tcha know!

Yours faithfully,

Hat-tie Jacques

Hughesy wrote:Dear Mrs M,

When should one remove one's santa hat once Christmas has come and gone? One seems to be having a bit of trouble removing one's at the minute don'tcha know!

Yours faithfully,

Hat-tie Jacques

Oh dear Hughesy,

I do believe that hat should have gone to the loft (or wherever you keep you Christmas bit's and bob's) yesterday

You know such an oversite means you'll need to leave the hat on for the rest of the year or you'll experience very, very bad luck

Of cause, if you don't believe in such things as luck you could take it off right now. At least there will be a lot more posts on SE, well, in 'Acts of Random Clumsiness'

Mrs M

Dear Mrs M,

Pantos are a bit strange, aren't they? What with principal boys and dames cross dressing all over the shop. But when did all this come about and why?

Yours thigh-slappingly,

Sutti

Sutti's big hair wrote:Dear Mrs M,

Pantos are a bit strange, aren't they? What with principal boys and dames cross dressing all over the shop. But when did all this come about and why?

Yours thigh-slappingly,

Sutti

Ahhh! The bad punns, the z list cast, the awful songs. What a wonderful experience the Panto is Sutti,

The origin of the modern day British Panto is thought to have evolved from a form of theatre performed in Ancient Greece and Rome developing little variations over the centuries including clowns, harlequins, mime artists and the like. Good old British Panto includes similar use of exaggerated expressions and extravagant costumes, but, the modern British Panto, with its Principal Boy and Dame, came about a little more recently.

The ‘Principal Boy’ role developed during the Regency period, when female attire covered rather a lot of the female form with skirts going down to the ankles, to literally put wealthy bums on seats. Theatre attending Gentlemen were drawn in to see Pantos, and other stage productions featuring women in principal roles, because they were able to see women dressed in male clothing (tight fitting trousers showing off the ladies legs) and in turn it gave women the opportunity to play, more or less, any male role they fancied. It wasn’t unknown for the role of Hamlet, Romeo, Falstaff, Richard III, Protruchio, Shylock, and Don Giovanni to be played by a woman in the 19th Century. Men of the lower class’ also enjoyed watching females in the role of male impersonator in the music halls right up until the 1940‘s.

The Panto Dame came from the Victorian music halls. The Dame, a comic character, was originally portrayed by men because women comedians were practically unheard of, and as the portrayal required the character to appear old, unattractive and fairly common, and was required to exude warmth, comedy, even pathos, but not to be seen to perform any ‘dirty deed’s, it was considered to be more a role for a man.

You can’t beat a good old British Panto can you?

*hand to ear for a good old Panto reply*

Mrs M

Oh yes you can!

Cheers Mrs M - interesting stuff!

Yes, I take my hat off to you too Mrs M - quite literally!

Dear Mrs M,

I hear the Oscar nominations are out (although with the Merkin writers striking, I wonder whether the award ceremony will ever take place). My question to you is this:

What is the genital-less little guy statue made of? (And why is he called Oscar?)

Yours hammily,

Dame Sutti of large coiffure

Sutti's big hair wrote:Dear Mrs M,

I hear the Oscar nominations are out (although with the Merkin writers striking, I wonder whether the award ceremony will ever take place). My question to you is this:

What is the genital-less little guy statue made of? (And why is he called Oscar?)

Yours hammily,

Dame Sutti of large coiffure

Well, Dame Sutti,

Oscar was originally made of bronze plated in gold, however, a few years after his birth, the lighter metal britannium was used and plated with gold. During WWII, gold plated plaster was used. MGM art director Cedric Gibbons designed the statuette and Los Angeles sculptor George Stanley sculpted the figure of a knight standing on a reel of film, hands gripping a sword. Oscar weighs approx 8.5 Ibs and is 13.5 inches tall.

The original mold for Oscar was used up until 1997, but a new mold was made for the 1998 Oscars because the original was too worn to create a presentable statue. Oscar then had his neck and chin re-moddled to improve his appearance.

The official name for Oscar is The Academy Award® of Merit but it was reportedly given the nickname 'Oscar' by Academy librarian and eventual executive director Margaret Herrick who thought it resembled her Uncle Oscar and from that, the Academy staff began referring to it as Oscar. It was first publically refered to as 'Oscar' by Walt Disney in 1933.

Oscar seems not to have any genitals because he appears to be naked, however, darling Oscar is clothed and even wears footwear. He's one smoothe shiny guy